Abdul Qadir Sheikh As I Knew Him
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Abdul Qadir Sheikh is a big name. The saint of
Baghdad. Invoking the Divine power of qadr and fortitude, it is not easy
to fill the shoes of someone with that name. The Abdul Qadir I knew,
was no less than the name his parents chose for him.
I cannot say surely how long ago, but it was around 15 years back when I must have first met him. This was the time most of physicians of my age were settling in. We had a relative level of comfort in our jobs. We all felt the need and had the time to reach out and explore the wider community around us. The NY Chapter of APPNA was already established and had undergone a kind of 'awami' turnover. Skeptics have started to join and eager to explore what was in it for them, socially and politically. A regular process of annually elected slate of officers was in place. Many of us who had done our residencies in NY area knew each other through friends and collegues from different geographic backgrounds and alumni associations.
It
must have been in one of the NY APPNA meetings that I first met him. He was the most shy, humble and private person, until you knew
him a bit; and he started to talk. He was one of those where the first
impression is the farthest from the final impression.
And strangely, you would hardly find anybody who would think of him
differently. Everybody liked him, enjoyed his company and nobody
harbored any ill will towards him.
Those who stay behind in NY are either tied to a rope of family and personal interest, (with a short leash),
or are able to appreciate the richness of life over the life of riches.
He perhaps had both the reasons. He had a large family in the NY area
and wanted to bring up his family in that network. He also had less than
average interest in the worldly markers of success. He was most content with what he had and you could not find a person more satisfied than him.
He had a job in Elmhurst, a city hospital with all the benefits and limitations of a city job, including a
predictable time table, fringe benefits and the luxury to do what ever
you wanted to do after 5 pm; an option not available to most of us.
I
say that because it helped him experience the life, as he had a shorter
life sentence than most of us, to the fullest. Perhaps a lot fuller
and richer than most of us would wish in a short period of time. At the
same time, he was able to help many in the community who could not
afford health care. He was right there, a stone throw away from Jackson
Heights, and in the middle of a major city hospital. I have asked him
innumerable times to help someone get medical care. He was always
gracious to take care of that.
NY Chapter of APPNA
used to have four or five councilors. Usually the senior most would later
graduate to become an officer, a treasurer, and later move up every year, eventually to the top.
He and I perhaps served the longest tenure as a councilor. He was one year ahead of me, and each year we both passed on the offer
to move on. Eventually everybody got tired of us and accepted our
request to leave us alone. We shared this unusual problem of not willing
to take more responsibility while offering abundant
supply of free advice.
It was around six years back
when he found out what eventually took his life. He came to know the diagnosis just before a major event he had
to arrange, and he kept it to himself. He was the chair of the local host
committee for the Annual Retreat of DOGANA, the Dow Medical College
Alumni Association. He had colonoscopy before and got the results a day
before that. He did not let anybody know about it, or anybody guess about
anything wrong, and had the show go on.
In fact this
was most typical of him, and one would see time after time. As his
disease progressed through each subsequent intervention, he was
able to have the show of life go on. He did not let the people around him
realize the depth of anguish and pain he was going through. I deal with
cancer patients everyday as a part of my livelihood. I have
not seen someone like him who kept his dignity to the last, and had
been most sensitive to the feelings of others around him even in the
twilight hours of his life.
He had kept his head high
and lived with grace. The prolonged duration of his illness, gave enough
time for his kids to grow up much earlier than their age and deal with
the final eventuality. It seems to me that some how Qadir kept the fate
at bay. He has proven to be a real Abdul Qadir, invoking the divine
power of fortitude over adversity. He stuck around long enough to see his family safely take off without him.
On top of that, he had a unique sense of humor. He could make jokes with a straight face. I do not know of anyone hurt by his words or actions. He tried to bring people closer. Even in the last stages of his life, he had tried relentlessly to bring old friends together who had drifted apart. I hope people remember him for that.
(His last Facebook picture)
I was not one of those close to him. Later in his last few years of disease, he got more private regarding his illness, and I was unaware of many of his hospitalizations and details of his course.
He became a more private person as he did not want people to offer empty empathy. I respected that and moved back two steps.
In spite of all that, or perhaps because of it, I feel the loss of a dear friend and I really miss him.
Alwida, my friend Abdul Qadir Sheikh
https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=10203543643404513&set=a.10202073181123875.1073741828.1017490571&type=1&theater
Courtesy Iqbal Jandga
https://www.flickr.com/photos/
With Pervez Qureshi at NY APPNA Picnic 2006, Sept 10th.
