Friday, March 28, 2014

After Visiting Friends by Michael Hainey

A Son's Story





My son, Saleem gave this book as a present to me. A graduating dramatic writer, he  thought this would be a good read for me. It tells the journey a son has traveled to know more about his father.
Saleem thought it would be a good read for me as it was for him.  

I am glad I read it. It brings every one closer to their fathers and sons, and their mothers. 

Orphaned at an early age in his life, the author grew up under the shadow of his older brother, single mom and grandparents. Remembering one early morning his uncle and grandparents coming to their house and telling his mother about his father's death, he had to live with this shorthand version of truth; and he always struggled with it.

He was always fascinated with his father's life cut short, and how it would have been different for him. I know a few friends of mine who grew up without their fathers and one could see the similarities in their lives and the author. It is painful, tough and full of imaginations, both wishful and dreadful.

Theirs was a family of journalists and writers. It is a story of immigrants of another generations. How a son of Irish  and a daughter of Polish immigrants meet up in a newspaper room. How his grandfather landed in Nebraska on an orphan train from NY and started a carrier as a rail-man. His sons moved to Chicago and became journalists. How it was growing up Polish in Chicago and their daughter found her way in the news business.

As the author grew older, his quest to find more about his father and the circumstances around his death grew. By the time he developed enough courage to start looking for answers, when he had outlived his father's age,  many characters who would have known more had already passed on.  This journey took him to many places and persons involved in the life of his father. 

He does get hold of a family secret but then gets no headway. He gets stonewalled by everybody. Old guys stick together and protect what they think should be protected. Even those in the profession of seeking and speaking the truth are not exceptions.

Finally the break comes as a result of an act of kindness by someone full of faith and in return of offering a cup of sweet tea, separated in time. That leads him ultimately to the truth. 

Although it is comforting to know the truth, it does not provide closure he was looking for. He has to know more and by doing so touches the lives of many more.

And then he has to face how to tell his mother about what he knows. He started this journey to find more about his father and ends up knowing a lot about his mother. 

Written as an investigative story, the real essence of the book is in the details of what goes in the mind and heart of a growing child. Real and imagined, thoughts about his father and depth of sentiments around that. Feelings of love, abandonment, anger, and in the end a closure. 

You have to be sure what you are getting into. Knowing the truth may be a lot difficult than one can think of. If you have the courage to face the truth, whatever it may be, go for it. Otherwise there are enough distractions in life to keep you occupied.

Michael Hainey is a deputy editor of GQ

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